Inuyasha's Love Story
by Inudaughter
Summary: Inuyasha's ramble to himself about where Kagome and himself are in their relationship.


I do not own Inuyasha, how sad.

Inuyasha's Love Story

Have you ever experienced doubt? I know I have. As a half demon I doubted my right to existence. That ever I could be loved. That ever I was good. I doubted too that I could ever love myself.

I hated myself. I hated myself for being a weak half-demon. For a short time I truly thought that I was worth despising, that that bastard brother of mine was right. So I sought the sacred jewel to obtain more power, so that I would no longer need despising. But then I met Kagome.

True, Kikyo came somewhere in between and became involved in a whole big mess with the jewel I wanted, but I think a little less of her these days. At least compared to how much I used to. It's true, whenever she comes around I'm absorbed with grief of how things could have been and how much she suffers. I truly wish Kikyo could know peace, and be the loving woman I once knew before she was resurrected from the grave. The memories I had of her when she was alive keep me from ever truly turning my heart against her, no matter how she hurts me now.

But I regret it in a way because I know it hurts Kagome. Kagome. The young woman who has so thoroughly captured my heart and my affections. I never realized until it was too late how natural it feels for her to be by my side. How right. I ask myself, is this what love feels like and I know the answer is yes.

Somehow I never felt the same way about Kikyo. Towards her, I always had a heart-felt longing for something unattained, a need and a hope for her acceptance. But not so with Kagome. I had no need to try for acceptance with her. Soon after we met, she turned to me and smiled. She spoke my name. Hell, she even jumped on me leaving me in an embarrassing situation. You know, thinking about it she is so different from Kikyo. They're about as far apart as a cat and the moon.

But that's why I love Kagome. She is so touchable. I don't just have to look at her wistfully admiring her features. Instead, I can feel them as I hold her in my arms like she does that darn cat of hers. Secretly, I love to carry her on my back as we run. Secretly, I love to ferry her out of the way when the battles get dangerous (I get a lot of contact there and maybe even hugs). Secretly, I love to sleep on her soft modern bed so that I am surrounded by her scent. Secretly, I love her but I'm not about to tell her that.

Even more so I love how she touches me. She never avoids my claws like Kikyo once did. Instead she is more bold than anyone should be. She walks up and yanks on my ears or my hair. She grabs onto my kimono whenever she damn well pleases. She's slapped me once or twice and is more than vocal with her darn sit commands. But she also lets me sit right by her, day and night. She even comes to sit by me of her own wishes. She stays by me, always.

But more than that there were… those times when there were kisses. Those times when we embraced and stared deep into each other's eyes. Those times that we held hands. In those moments, I truly felt that we were more than companions. Something so much more and so tender and deep it was like there was a current between our souls.

Kagome. That wonderful beautiful woman. My wench. Not that I call her that. I have more respect for her than that and she would sit the hell out of me if I did. But she began traveling with me so long ago and something accidental happened. I didn't think of it myself when we were just starting out because it seemed such an impossibility. We started out as partners searching for a sacred jewel. But then we began to form a pack.

First it was Shippo, then Miroku, then Sango and Kilala. Sometimes Mouga or someone else drops in as a guest. But we definitely began share some sort of familiarity, a bonded feel. Sango and Miroku became like an aunt and uncle to that kit. A demonslayer, hentai monk, and two-tail became brothers in arms to me and Kagome became my lead female. She's an alpha is ever there was one.

That woman of mine is unfathomly strange. She's as forward and daring as any male and unlike any women of these times. She reads all those strange books and talks about all sorts of weird things. She's a busybody and gets overexcited, and worst of all she's weepy. I really don't know what to do with her when she's upset. One minute she's crying, the next she's got enough to wrath to set even a fire-rat robe on fire. Besides that she dresses weird. Not that I'm complaining about that though. If I bend down low to sniff the trail for a Naraku's scent I can see all the way to her waist. But my biggest concern is that she seems to take a twisted pleasure in making my face hit the ground and making my back hurt like crazy. She's kind of vain too. Every once in a while she tries to get me to acknowledge that she's pretty but nothin' doin'. Gorgeous was for Kikyo and the two aren't remotely similar.

Yet, sometimes I feel drawn to her for her personalities' sake. She is just so loyal and strong. Sometimes she is an amazing fighter almost as good as me but sometimes she is an amazing klutz. But at others she is so comforting and beautiful. She is so motherly too. She spoils Shippo and sometimes I catch her looking at children, especially girls. Once she picked up and cradled a demon child named Souten, and I couldn't help blush out of wishful thinking that one day she might be that affectionate with our own pups. Yet, I'm too embarrassed to get involved with her that way. I'm only 150 years old, if you don't count the fifty years I was sealed to a tree.

Still, being around her all this time has made things difficult for me. At nighttime I nearly fall out of my tree with dreaming and then for hours I watch her sleeping while the firelight flickers across her soft skin. How I long to caress her check or snuggle beside her in her strange camping bed! It makes me twice as irritable and three times more foul mouthed than I should be knowing that I have to wait until Naraku's dead and even then it's uncertain if she'll have me. I have my doubts since so far if there's something remotely intimate between us she always pushes me away. The one time she kissed me she denied it afterwards so I denied it too, earning myself a sit command. A long time ago I tried to kiss her but she shoved me down a hill and trust me I haven't tried it since. After that she slapped me for being remotely close to her by the fireside and then of course there was that boulder to the head. She seems to get all hyper when it comes to me seeing her (she sits me) or she seeing me so I know she's not ready for anything serious. I guess it has something to do with her time period and "skool" as she calls it since most of the women in this era are having kids by her age. But Kagome is different and she doesn't act anything like them. It's probably because she comes from a wealthy family. They always have whatever food they want to eat on the other side of the well. She has more furniture in her house that I ever saw in my mother's palace. Besides that, her house is always warm and even the water is hot. She even has her own "family doctor" she goes to see every once in a great while. None of her friends are married either so I guess I will just have to wait for now.

But one night, when Kagome is sleeping I'm going to sneak down the well and ask Kagome's Mom if I can have her. It's only right since she's already traveling with me. She's already mine by demon standards, or rather promised to be. The kit understands. Someday I'll tell her about the scent marks my sweaty palms have laid across her thighs as we have gone running in pursuit of Naraku, or how I fight with Kouga to prove that I'm the alpha male of this pack. I am the boss here and someday I'll take what rightfully belongs to me.

Kagome. I love her. I need her. My mate, my love, my priestess. She is my joy, my happiness, my reason for being. She is also my cause of acceptance.

Kagome. Someday we will complete the sacred jewel. I swear it, for your sake and Kikyo's. But I will not need a sacred jewel to complete my desires or increase my power. For I already have a perfect jewel, and that jewel's name is Kagome.


End file.
